Ever have one of those days where no matter what you say...anything...gets turned around and interpreted as an affront to whomever you're speaking? How does that happen? What impish a-hole ethereal scoundrel sits up on his invisible perch and decides; "today no matter what this poor soul says to the person he cares about and worries about is going to come out as an attack and I'm going to cause her to lash out in the most hurtful and unintended manner and say things she wouldn't normally say to try and crush his feelings and make him want to leave and just sew conceit and turmoil...yeah, that's the ticket...
I've had clergy, supposed spiritual leaders and even read scripture that says; "after a trial of your faith, then cometh the blessing." Well, how'd I do? I guess the blessing is, after the end of the day, I'm still here, the furious maelstrom of emotion and anger has been forgotten and I woke up without an icepick in my skull, so I guess its all good. (sorry, a little gallows humor) Basically I'm no worse the wear and tear and I learned sometimes no matter what you say or how you say it, sometimes it's just best to zip my kale salad
® hole and just be quiet.
A lot of stressful stuff has been happening at mi Casa del Loco, and for the most part a lot of helpful coaching from my Personal Health Coach, working out and trying to focus on doing what's right, reading at least a paragraph or chapter of any Scripture from the Bible, BofM or poetry from the ancient Southwest Asian masters has helped me stay focused. But yesterday in the worst way (worst being the optimal word) I so wanted to just drown out yesterday's B.S. in the remaining Irish whiskey and beer I had left in my fridge. I'm not an alcoholic (that I know of) by any means...but yesterday it would have been so easy to just plop a low ball on the mini bar, fill that bad boy and just pour that amber anesthetic down the hatch...but that would mean that little wicked ghostly spectre of temptation wins and I'm the loser...so...in spite of how much it would have deadened the crap of yesterday...I decided it wasn't who I wanted to be...so I decided to offer the "peace sign" (the V with two fingers) to the afore mentioned imp, but I was too tired to raise the accompanying index finger. Taking the advice of Lara Bush, I just said..."NO!" Thanks Lar...(also a very awesome Texan) the other of course my PHC. So...what this all means is my "wagon" hit a very huge pot-hole yesterday on my road to wellness and low and behold the wheels stayed on and I didn't fall off and hurt my head (read hangover).
The other thing was how wonderful and comforting it was to feel the divine influence of my coach encouraging me..."you can do it, it's going to be okay. Your faith is being tested here and you're doing just fine. Trust me and you'll get through this. I love you...I believe in you. You can do it." That is what I felt her saying. What a wonderful blessing. Thank you so much, so very, very much.
Cheers!
I ache for you, I cry, I laugh at the flicker of humor. You clearly have taken a tour of true hell at sometime in your life and realize that this is not hell but rather one giant pot-hole of a day. And look! You didn't fall off the wagon! If this is a test you passed. You made it through and it wasn't easy but what test is easy. And since life is a giant test before God I'd say you've really stepped up your game.
ReplyDeleteIf I could tell you anything it is this, life is dishing out some hard, hard stuff and fortunately you are a son of God, a prince of a king. You are in training and someday will be perfectly capable of all the same things as your Father. These kinds of experiences, as unsavory as they are, become the very moments that define you, mold you, shape your character. These are the moments when you decide who you are, you decide your destiny and you decide if you're going to give up and sink or use the seemingly last of all your energy, and all you've got to swim.
You've chosen to swim, breathe, live and rise above. The blessings are in the faith and in the actions. Look at how much stronger you are today as opposed to the day before yesterday. As you continue to demonstrate your love of God, He responds in kind to you and you will feel the presence of the angels He sends to watch over and protect you.
You can do it, it's going to be okay. Your faith is being tested here and you're doing just fine. Trust me and you'll get through this. I love you, I believe in you. You can do it! I'm here for you Mark.